There’s such a stark difference between the man I was in uniform and the man I’m striving to be now.
One thing about the military—you’re given a best friend on day one. A battle buddy. And as you move from unit to unit, you find the next one. Life keeps moving.
In these past three years since retiring, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be the one who initiates and tries to maintain those old brotherhood bonds. I’ve watched a group of senior enlisted retirees from the unit I consider my home base make it look effortless—and that’s what I’m striving for.
Someone recently asked me if I miss the military or if I’m glad I retired. I had to pause. I don’t miss the politics, the meetings that should’ve been emails, or staying late just because. But I do miss seeing months—sometimes years—of blood, sweat, and planning come to life and exceed expectations. I was damn good at what I did. Not everyone saw it, but the impact remains. I see it when former Soldiers I had the honor to mentor are out there crushing their goals.
I’ve never been perfect—still far from it—but I’ve always believed in being human first, and employee second. If you meet a person's basic needs, the rest tends to follow.
I miss sitting on the roof of my barracks in Iraq, or my apartment roof or fire pit in Syria at sunset, next to the most incredible humans I’ve ever known. Even those who didn’t care for me, I still carry deep love and compassion for them. Love doesn’t have to be mutual when it’s free of expectations.
So… do I miss it? Yeah. A lot of it.
But I also love my life now. It’s hard as hell—and the past 14 months have tested me in ways I wasn’t prepared for—but I love it. I’ve watched my temperament soften. I’ve seen how that’s rippled into my relationships. I’ve seen connections with my daughters begin to heal and thrive. When they open up to me now about things they never would’ve shared before, I get choked up. My boys are becoming men, and I get to walk with them through it, without drill weekends, TDYs, deployments, or endless 14-hour days.
I’m still working a lot of hours, don’t get me wrong—but I’ve found a better rhythm.
The next six months will bring more change than I anticipated—but growth isn’t supposed to be easy. It takes sacrifice, effort, and trust. Trust in the process. Trust in the universe. Trust in yourself.
I may not be what people hoped or expected of me, but I’m trying hard to be the man I was always meant to be.
My phrase for this year is “unapologetically authentic.” And I’m holding true to that.
Stay true to yourself. No matter what you do, there will be people who don’t understand or support your path. If being accepted means changing who you are, then they’re not the right people for you.
Move on—and live for you.
